I have seen a scene on TV that has reminded me of my first love, ooooh what a feeling. The innocence, the butterflies, anticipation, excitement and not able to catch a breath. The ability to feel someone's presence and start turning your head like a table fan cause you have a strong feeling that he is around, and the euphoria of spotting him from a distance coming towards you. He was my best friend and I could not get myself to tell him how I felt, there were several reason why I could not do that, first my best girlfriend has a serious crush on him and when she was over it, he fell in love with another girl, what were the chances of that, we kept on being best friends and I put on a brave face and convinced myself that as long as he is happy then I am happy (uuuuugh) what was I thinking??? ;-) Anyway it didn't last very long and they broke up. I was supposed to be ecstatic but I wasn't on the contrary I was feeling his pain as if it was my own.
I could read him like a book, he wasn't flawless but I loved him anyway, I could not bear to see him sad or angry or even worried, that would be the end of my day I would be devestated as if I have lost a loved puppy. I waited patiently and tried to help him through those times as much as I could and I got what I deserved I almost failed that year (that was close).
He didn't pass and decided to leave the Uni, better yet the country altogether, yippie I got to have his post box as a going away present since at that time only buisness and uni would get post delivered. I got the post box so that he can send me letters and tell me how he was doing.
He left, I left too since I was like a ghost all I could do was think of him, day and night and hoping that he would be ok. We did everything together, everywhere I went he was there with me, so I had to do something I had to get it out of my chest and get some closure. I wrote a letter, and a few days I got a phone call, I couldn't speak, all I could hear was him saying "Why didn't you tell me before ?" I put down the phone and was in cloud seven. After that I got a letter telling me he went swimming in a heated swimming pool like I was his penpal. Then later a phone call which I had a sense that it was coming he said that what we have is much more special that anything else and he would like to keep it that way and not ruin it by getting into a long distance relationship as he could not bear the thought of hurting me or causing me any pain. And that was it !!! Over, Over.
I went on with my life and at that point in time thought that it was over for me that I can't go on, but then convinced myself it was his loss and got on with my life ;-) We are still in contact. Years went by and now I am married with kids and he is married with kids.
Moral of the story I took the good side out of it, and survived through the heartbreak of my life but if it didn't kill you it only makes you stronger. What's meant to be is what's meant to be and I only have to thank him for making me experience the innocent, pure and selfless love and strong feelings. Phew I can happily say been there done that.
